The Beginning and End of Everything
by dammit-sammy
Summary: Sam asks Dean to help him study in order to spend time with him. Fluff. Rated M most for language, possible adult content in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_"I love her, and that's the beginning and end of everything."_

_― F. Scott Fitzgerald_

It was a rainy day in the middle of Buttfuck, Nowhere and Dean was studying for an AP test. Not his own test, though. It was Sam's. He was twenty damn years old and he had sworn he would never fucking study for anything ever again. Not that he had when he _was _in school. But Sam had asked for his help and who was he to say no?

"Attear-rear," he read off a note card that lay at the top of a very large stack.

"_Atterir_. You pronounce it a-ter-ay, Dean. Jesus," Sam sneered.

"I'm sorry, did you want me to help you study for your exam or kick your ass? Cause the second option can be _easily_ arranged, jack-off," Dean threatened. " It's not my fault you chose a damn pansy ass language to study, Sammy. And this shit says attear-rear, I don't care what you say." He squinted at the card in his hand, as if that would change anything.

"_Atterir_. To attract," Sam recited, rolling his eyes at Dean's insults. "You are _so uncultured_, Dean. God."

"Yeah, and you're a pretentious asshole." He glanced at the English definition on the back of the card. "Yep, to attract. I bet that's why you take this class, isn't it? To attract the ladies? Well, I tell you what, with the mug you've got you need more going for you than the fact you _parlez vous francais_." Dean joked, waggling his eyebrows.

"That doesn't even make sense, Dean. You just said "you do you speak French." Just.. how about you shut up and help me study, how about that?" Sam snapped.

"Take the stick out of your ass, kid," Dean said, making a face at Sam. He pulled another card from the stack. "Um… Oo-vra?" he struggled, honestly trying to say it correctly.

"_Ouvre_. Open." Sam rattled off, ignoring how Dean had butchered pronunciation of yet another word as he riffled through his notes.

"Met-ter? Maybe?" Dean read.

"Mettre, Dean. To put."

"Sammy, this is _boring_," Dean whined. "You already know Latin, what do you need to know French for, huh?"

Sam ignored the question and motioned for Dean to continue with the flashcards.

"Hey, Dad left us a little more money than normal, what do you say we go to the diner up the street? I'm sure you need like, brain fuel, or what ever if you even want to remember all this crap in the morning," Dean suggested. He picked up the index cards and stuffed him in his pocket and then picked up on of the many binders splayed out over the table. "We'll even take your stuff, we can study there. Let's blow this joint, Sammy."

Sam sighed and threw his notes down dejectedly. "I guess," he replied, rubbing his eyes, "but if I fail this shit, it's on you, asshole." He stood up from the table where he had been studying for the past few hours and walked over to his bed. He rummaged through the duffel bag that sat there and found a hoodie. "Yeah, I'm guess I'm kind of hungry," he continued. "I should probably load up on some coffee, too. It'll probably be a late one with all the stuff I still have to go over. Verb tenses, passé compose, imparfait, interogitif…" he trailed off. As he pulled the jacket over his head he added, "Maybe you could uh.. well.. uh you wanna join me? Keep me up?"

"Ah, Sammy, you don't need me buggin' you," Dean said, moving towards the door to leave, stopping to look back at Sam. That glance back was a mistake because Sam was making that stupid face that made Dean want to say yes to anything. Was the kid really pulling that face on him just because he didn't wanna be his study buddy all night?

"Please? What if I want you bugging me? I mean, I barely see you anymore with school and all," Sam said, shyly admitting in his own way that that he missed his big brother.

Dean leaned against the door and huffed. It was true. Dean was out of school and now Sam went by himself while Dean stayed at the motel researching cases for John and hunting with him on occasion. He didn't like to leave Sam on his own often, though, so he didn't leave for hunts too much. Sure, Sam was sixteen, but he was still… Sammy. He was Dean's responsibility, he couldn't leave him to potentially be hurt by demons and monsters and and… _teenage girls._ Dean looked at his brother's stupid, pleading eyes and felt his heart clench and even though he really did not want to pull an all nighter for some nerd test he didn't have to take, he sighed and said, "Alright, alright, just stop making that dumb face, you look like a kicked puppy."

Sam's face lit up with a smile, changing drastically as he let out a chuckle. "I know. That's why I make it. I am a master of manipulation. And you really don't like that one," he said triumphantly.

"Yeah, you bet I don't like it," Dean winked at his brother. "It makes you look uglier than you already are. Now get your ass out to the car and let's go," he said, finally opening the door and gesturing out of it. Sam walked out, bumping into Dean forcefully on his way. Dean couldn't help but grin at his brother, although he was a but annoyed about the whole puppy face deal because that little shit _knew_ it would get Dean to do what he wanted. As much as he hated to admit it, Dean was his kid brother's bitch. He was a grown ass twenty year old man and he was his sixteen year old brother's bitch and he hated it.

He watched Sam crouch into the passenger seat of the Impala, all gangly and awkward, as he walked around to the driver's side. Sam still had that shit eating grin across his face as he sat down and started up the car. "Bitch," Dean spat, voice a bit on the harsh side, but his face betrayed the endearment hidden in the insult. He may be Sam's bitch, but he sure wasn't gonna let Sammy think that.

"No way, I'm not your bitch."

"I said you were _a_ bitch, never said you were mine, kiddo." Dean retorted, eyes on the rearview mirror as he backed out. He turned his gaze to Sam, a mischevious gleam in his eyes. "That was all you."

"Shut up." Sam said, his smile wavering for just a second. Dean could have sworn he saw a blush rising in Sam's cheeks, but it was getting dark and the rain made the dusk dimmer than it normally would have been. Sam, feeling Dean's eyes on him, turned towards the window, suddenly fascinated by the raindrops racing each other across the glass.

They arrived at the diner ten minutes later and walked quickly out of the rain and into the restaurant, their feet leaving dirty boot prints on the red and white tiles. The sign at the front said " Seat Yer Self" and that is what they did, finding a booth in the corner away from the other customers. As they waited for a waiter to come to their table, Dean pulled the French flash cards from his pocket. He held them up for Sam to see and asked "You wanna?"

Sam looked at Dean over his menu and made a face of disgust. "Dude, I haven't eaten in, like, six hours, I couldn't care less about French until I get some food. Unless it's French fries. I care about those," he said, tapping the menu.

Dean smirked. The kid was cute, he had to give him that. But it was seriously weird that he didn't want to get back on the horse and study right away. "Ah come on, Sammy, you're always saying that you never have time to study cuz we're always dragging you places and now I am asking you to let me help you and you shoot me down. I don't see you're logic here, man."

"I dunno. I.. Let's just hang out right now, okay, Dean? Shoot the shit like we used to when you were still at school with me. I'll study later, but here.. Let's just hang out. Alright?" Sam replied, seeming a little nervous. And Sam giving up _precious_ study time for Dean? The kid must really, _really_ miss him if he was willing to do that.

Dean smiled and teased, "Slacking off? Maybe you're already spending too much time around me, little brother. Might be picking up on my old school habits."

"Maybe being more like you wouldn't be all that bad, you know. And I.. like you. I wouldn't mind," Sam shrugged, as if Dean hadn't been joking around. The kid took everything too seriously. Sam glanced up at Dean, almost furtively, checking over his face, and then looked away quickly.

Dean, hoping to pull Sam back into the playful banter that they had been having in the motel room, kicked Sam's shin under the table lightly and replied, " You don't just like me, you fucking worship me. And you're right to. I'm the end all be all of awesome."

"I admire your.. high self esteem, Dean," Sam said, smirking.

"Yeah? You think it's too much?" Dean inquired with feigned concern.

For a moment, Sam looked as though he was going to spit back another asshole comment, but his face soften again. "Nah, you've got it right. You're pretty damn great, Dean-o," he admitted and was he _blushing _again?

"With the blush you've got going on there, I'd think you had a big ol' crush on me, if I didn't know any better, Sammy," Dean jibed.

Sam's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. "I.. I don't! What are you saying? Huh? No. Shut up. Stop talking. You're.. You're dumb."

"Woah there, bud, it was just a joke. Chill out, man. Jesus, what's that line? You're a nerd you know it. Uh, "Thou doth protest too much"? Yeah, that's it. You'd think I struck a nerve there, Sammy." Dean said, wondering what the hell was up with his brother.

"I… no.. you… Just.. What? Shut up," Sam replied, quite obviously flustered. Just then, the waitress walked up, a forty something woman with hair helmeted by hairspray and face caked with make up.

"What can I get for you boys?" she asked with a bored voice, barely looking at them.

Dean looked at her quickly, his eyes snapping back to Sam like there were held there with a magnet. Sam, on the other hand, was looking everywhere but Dean. "I'll have a burger, thanks," Dean said, pushing his menu across the table blindly. "Sammy?" he prompted after a moment of silence. Apparently, Sam had forgotten what he wanted.

"I.. uh. I'll just have the same?" he asked more than told the waitress. He smiled weakly at the woman and then averted his gaze back to the table.

" Alright, sweetie, I'll have that right out for you," she called over her shoulder as she walked back towards the counter to give the cook their order. That left Sam and Dean to sit in an awkward silence. Dean cleared his throat. Sam glanced up at him and then became fascinated with his own fingernails.

"So….." Dean began, wishing to end what ever the hell was happening here. If there was something happening. Was there? He coughed. "Dad'll probably be back soon. Maybe the next hunt will be somewhere drier. I've heard about some stuff that looks like it could be our kind of thing in California. Or maybe we can have Dad drop us at Bobby's, we haven't seen him in a while. Hell, too long. I miss Bobby, don't you?" Dean rambled, uncomfortable.

"Uh, yeah.. I guess. But that means a new school." Sam sighed heavily, passing a hand over his face. "I don't know why I even try, man."

"Yeah barely had time to make any friends this time, did you? Or meet any chicks," Dean commented, glad Sam had responded with more than a one word response because that meant the weirdness was probably over. Relieved, Dean slouched down in his side of the booth, his knee hitting Sam's in the process. The booth was small and the kid was damn _tall_, took up more than his fair share of space. Dean didn't mind, though, just let his leg rest on the outside of Sam's. Sam's knee floated, no flew, away from Dean's almost immediately, so far that his outside leg was now sticking out into the aisle. Dean didn't think much of it. Sammy probably just didn't want to feel cramped.

"Nah, I don't need friends, I got you," Sam remarked. "What I meant was why do I even try with the studying and the school work when I know I am just going to move. I can't tell you how many times I have learned about the Battle of the Bulge this year, Dean, I swear where ever we move, the school we pick for me is always behind. It's just.. It's fucking stupid."

Dean smirked. "It ain't stupid, you're gonna be the first college educated hunter this side of the US. And by this side of the US, I mean all of it. Joe College with a minor in demon hunting. That's why you try. You're a genius, man, maybe even better than Bobby. You make us proud. That's why you do it," he said, beaming at his little brother.

"Dad will never go for that and you know it. I can't go to college. I need to stay with you and do what you do. You know he is itching for the day I graduate so we can all go hunting together and cover more ground. The family business, you know the spiel," Sam said, moping. "Anyway," he continued, a teasing tone sneaking into his voice, "what are you going to do without your kid brother to look after, huh?"

"Who said I won't be looking after you? Somebody's gonna have to put you through school. I mean you're a smart kid, you'll get a scholarship, but that doesn't pay for food, clothes, or an apartment. I could get a job in a garage or something." He smiled and continued, "Yeah. That's what we'll do. Never would let you go out there on your own, kiddo. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're stuck with me for the foreseeable future."

Sam fidgeted and returned Dean's smile. "I'd like that. _But_ Dad wouldn't. You know he would never let us get out of the hunt until he finds what got Mom. Maybe he wouldn't even go for that after he kills it. Hell, if he even heard us considering it, you know he would blow his top." He wrinkled his brow and said, in a gruff voice, "_Boys! This is the family business. What part of family do you not understand? You two are all I've got and I am all you've got so, best get your asses in gear and your guns in hand. You're a Winchester, this is what Winchesters __**do**__.'_ You've heard that rant as many times as I have. So, let's not get our hearts set on… on something we can't have, Dean," he finished, and his eyes broke away from his hands and locked with Dean's. What he saw in his little brother's eyes was startling. There was a longing there, something deep and sorrowful, something that was breaking Sam, hurting him even as they spoke here. He didn't think Sam was so emotionally invested in the whole going to college deal. Maybe that wasn't it though. Maybe it was something else. And Dean was going to find out what is was and destroy it because Sammy was too young to have that look in his eyes already, God dammit. It was a hopeless look. He couldn't let Sam hurt like that.

"I…" Dean began, not sure what to say to make things better, to make Sam look less like he was just told he could never have the only thing he wanted in life. Maybe it was the school thing. Maybe that was all he wanted. Maybe Dean was overanalyzing. "You know, Pop's still got two and a half years to find this thing before you graduate. He could be done by then." Sam frowned at his brother's observation, doubt written all over his face. "Hey, Sammy. Sam, I'll get you there. No matter what it takes." Dean meant it, too. If Sammy wanted to be Joe College, to be a normal kid, then God dammit, he'd get there. Even if Dean couldn't come with him to look after him. It would kill him to be away from his baby brother, but he'd suffer for Sam's happiness. Shaking the thought of being without Sam from his mind, Dean changed the subject, "Now, we came here to take your mind off school , didn't we? So stop your moping and let's talk about something else. Anything else."

"Just a second, Dean. I'm okay. If I don't go, I'm okay if Dad doesn't let me. I mean, shit, if I hang around Bobby long enough, it will be almost the same thing as getting a college education in religion or folklore or mythology. He throws so much information at us, it must be worth something. But I will be perfectly fine if I just stay with you." He smiled weakly, then quickly added, "And Dad." His face fell, the weird look returning to his eyes.

Fuck, Dean hated that look and, dammit, did he love Sammy. It was moments like this when feeling flooded over him, drowning him with this all abiding love for Sam. It hurt his chest and, Jesus, it hurt ten times worse when Sam was sad. Dean didn't know what to do besides move his leg to touch Sam's again, seeing that he was too far away to punch the kid in the shoulder. "Why the poop face, then?"

"Nothing. Hungry, that's all. And I mean, we've been on kind of a heavy subject, Dean. It's not like my future is all rainbows and unicorns," Sam responded, this time letting his leg rest against Dean's.

"Maybe unicorns," Dean said, lifting his eyebrows.

"No way, man. There is no way in fuck that unicorns are real," Sam laughed, weakly.

"You never know, Sammy, you never know. When we see one, you better believe I am gonna say I told you so," Dean chuckled. "Oh look, grub's here."

The waitress approached the table with two identical plates with hamburgers and fries piled on them. "There you go, handsome," she said, setting one plate in front of Dean. " And one for you too, sweetheart," she sighed while setting the second plate in front of Sam. "Anything else I can get you boys?" she asked, sounding more bored than ever.

"Yeah, we'll have some apple pie when we're done with these," Dean said, flashing her a smile. "Oh and two coffees, please." She nodded and walked away to talk to the other waitresses huddled behind the counter. He picked up the burger in front of him and messily took a bite. "Hey," he spoke through his full mouth, "if we eat this fast enough, maybe we'll be back at the motel in time to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer... That Sarah Michelle Gellar chick is pretty hot."

Sam smiled. "Yeah, too hot for the likes of you," he said, picking up a fry.

"I think you will find she's not hot enough. I'm the hottest piece of ass on God's green earth, don't you doubt it," Dean replied, stuffing his face with a fist full of French fries. And just like that the playful banter between the two boys resumed and lasted for the rest of their dinner.

Around one AM, Dean convinced the kid it was time to go to sleep. He had to be up at five and four hours of sleep would do him better than any amount of studying could do at this point. And Sam looked damned tired, dark circles under his eyes, yawning every five minutes, the whole shebang. He watched as his little brother pull his shirt and jeans off and clumsily crawl into his bed. As soon as Sam was settled, Dean switched off the lights, leaving the room to be illuminated only by the light flashing from the small muted television on the opposite side of the room. He left the television muted for a while longer, just until he was sure Sam had fallen asleep. As he reached for the remote to switch the sound back on, he heard Sam stir behind him quietly.

"Dean?"

"What's up, Sammy?"

"I just wanted to say.. I dunno."  
"What, Sammy?"

"Just wanted to say that I love you.. We don't.. We don't say that enough, you know."

"Right back at you, Sammy. Love you, too. Love you more," Dean replied, his heart aching. They didn't say it enough. Normally, they didn't have to. They just knew.

"No. You don't, Dean. You really don't," Sam replied in a drowsy voice. "You can't." And with that, it seemed as though Sam fell immediately into a deep sleep.

_You can't._ What did he mean, he can't? Sure, he fucking can. Sam didn't know how much he loved him. Dean switched off the TV, having lost interest in the low budget horror flick that had been running. He pulled off his own street clothes and crawled into his own bed, only to lie there for the next hour wondering at what his brother had meant.

At two AM, he checked to make sure the alarm was set to wake Sammy in time for school, then closed his eyes and drifted into sleep himself.

The next morning, Dean awoke to Sam mumbling, "God fucking dammit, shut up, OH FUCK ME," followed by the crash of the alarm clock being knocked to the floor. He groaned and put his arm over his eyes.

"Always so graceful, Sam. Eloquent, too," he said, his voice raspy with sleep.

"I was trying to turn it off before it woke you up," Sam replied quietly.

"It's the thought that counts," Dean huffed, sitting up in bed. "What time is your test at, nerd?"

"Seven thirty," Sam answered, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom.

"And you need to get up at five o'clock why?" Dean called to him, stretching his arms out to the side.

"Gotta study!" Sam yelled back over the sound of water as he turned on the shower faucet.

"Alright, geek boy. Wake me up when you get out," and he collapsed back into bed, closing his eyes and drifting back into a half-slumber.

Fifteen minutes later, Sam was shaking his shoulder. "Dean, hey, go shower. We gotta get food before school."

"This isn't even fair, I don't even go to school, why do I have to wake up for it," Dean said, whining childishly and pulling the blanket up over his head.

"Dean," Sam said, his voice stern, just like their father's was before berating them with yet another lecture.

Dean pushed the blanket back down and opened on eye to look at his brother. The kid wasn't even dressed yet, he was just in his underwear for Christ's sake, and they had two hours until they had to leave. He had plenty of time to sleep in. "You're a shit, you know that?"

"Get up."

"Make me," Dean grunted, and rolled over so his back faced the side of the bed where his brother stood.

The next thing he knew, Sam had tackled him on his mattress and began slapping his head like a bongo drum. "Time to get up, asshat!" he yelled.

"AH STOP! STOP. I'm up, God dammit. I'm up. Jesus H. Christ," he yelled, and Sam stopped hitting his head but remained sitting on top of him. "I said I'm up, you gonna let me out of the bed?" he asked when Sam didn't move.

"Yeah. Just didn't think you were gonna give up that easy I guess," he said, sounding somewhat more disappointed than triumphant. He got up off Dean and sat at the foot of his bed.

"I'm the one that is letting you off easy, bucko. Watch out or you'll get what's coming to you," Dean teased as he swung his legs out of bed.

"Sure, old man," Sam replied. "You just keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night."

"I'm gonna kick your ass straight into tomorrow, you know that right?" Dean said, turning to face Sam again. Sam smiled and made a "bring it on" gesture with his hand. "You asked for it, kid."

Dean lunged at his brother, knocking him over easily, seeing that he had been sat cross-legged on the end of the bed. He pinned Sam's arms on either side of his head and held him down, his face just inches from his brother's.  
"Any last words, fuckface?" he breathed, smirking at how easily he took Sam down. It was almost like.. Sam wanted him to. Like he started the whole thing just to get Dean to-

Dean's train of thought was interrupted by the feeling of Sam's lips crashing into his own. He took in a sharp breath of surprise, unsure of how to react. _Do I pull away I'm supposed to pull away what if dad comes home right now do I kiss back do I want to kiss back am I kissing Sam why aren't I moving godammit. _His thoughts flew a mile a minute. He didn't pull away. He just froze. Sam broke the kiss after a short moment that felt like a century.

"Shit. Dean. I'm s.. Fuck. Let me up," Sam said shakily after looking over his brother's face. But Dean didn't move. He just sat there, staring at the young man he had pinned under him. "Dean," Sam said again. "Let me up. I'm sorry, Dean."

Finally, Dean broke out of his freeze and said, "What for?"  
He felt just as confused as Sam looked about his response. What did he mean what for? Of course he knew what for. His brother just kissed him. On the mouth. And it wasn't like a European, platonic brother kiss. He squinted at his brother's face below him again and noticed his eyes had the same look they had had in them at the dinner last night. Snippets of their conversation flooded back to him.

_So, let's not get our hearts set on… on something we can't have, Dean._

_Nah, I don't need friends, I got you._

_No. You don't, Dean. You really don't. You can't._

And it all made sense. The longing in his eyes wasn't a longing to be normal. It was longing for Dean. Sam just wanted Dean to be with him always, to be his. And that is what Dean wanted to. For Sammy to always be with him. To always be his. He loved Sam. Of course he did.

"What?" Sam asked, bewildered. "W- Dean what?"

Dean look at Sam's eyes one more time and he was decided right there. He never thought about it before, he hadn't let himself, but he knew then he wanted what Sam wanted. This is where they had always been heading.

"You said you loved me, right?"

"Yes. You're my brother, Dean, of course I love you," Sam answered warily, avoiding Dean's eyes.

"And I said I loved you more, right?"

"Yeah, but you don't mean it like I-"

Dean put a finger to Sam's mouth, stopping his speech. He put a hand on either side of Sam's face and whispered, "Hey, look at me." Sam's eyes met with Dean's, hopeful and scared. Slowly, Dean bent down to met Sam's lips in another gentle kiss. And in that moment, he realized their lives could not go back to the way they had been before.

He loved Sam and that was the beginning and end of everything.


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter Two:_ _Small Weird Loves_

"_and you realize the one person in the world who loves you_

_isn't the one you thought it would be,_

_and you don't trust him to love you in a way you would enjoy._

_And the boy who loves you the wrong way is filthy._

_And the boy who loves you the wrong way keeps weakening._

_You thought if you handed over your body_

_he'd do something interesting." –Richard Siken_

Dean looked down at his brother quietly as he lay on the bed with his head on Dean's chest. They had kissed innocently for a few minutes more after Dean initiated the second one, but Sam had seemed unsure if it was really what Dean wanted.

"Do you really want this, Dean? You can't really want this. Don't do this just to make me happy, Dean. Don't do that to me. I… I need to know… You wouldn't lie to me, would you?" Sam had asked, his voice almost panicked.

"Sammy. Stop asking questions. Maybe it hadn't really occurred to me before this morning. But I can tell you that I have always wanted it to just be you and me. Just the two of us. To be honest, I've always been jealous when you've had other friends. I guess I know why now," he said, chuckling quietly. "So yes, Sam. I'm sure. Now be quiet."

And Sam had been quiet for a good twenty minutes, lying there in Dean's arms with his head on Dean's chest, his hand also resting there, feeling it rise and fall with Dean's breath. But now Sam broke the silence.  
"Dean?" Sam asked quietly, and Dean waited for the next set of questions concerning his feelings. Instead, Sam said, "It's six. My test is in an hour and a half. I need to eat."

"Oh," Dean said, somewhat relieved. He pulled Sam up closer to him and kissed the top of his head. "I guess I'll get ready then. Give me ten and then we can leave."

Sam nodded and sat up, letting Dean out of the bed. Sam seemed to remember he was only in his underwear at that moment and he stood there shyly, rubbing his neck and blushing as Dean got up. Dean smiled at his little brother's embarrassment. Before walking to the bathroom to get ready, Dean put his hands on Sam's hips and pulled him closer, leaning in to kiss him one more time and Sam bashfully lifted his lips to meet Dean's. As Dean pulled away, he saw Sam's blush deepen. "Ten minutes," Dean called over his shoulder as he closed the bathroom door.

Dean got into the shower, thinking over what had happened only in the last half hour. He had kissed his brother. In a romantic way. Always innocently, like young teenagers did on their first dates. Dean knew that it wasn't innocent, it was his brother for Christ sake, and he knew that there would be trouble down the line. His father, for example, would not approve. But right now, Dean didn't give a shit.

"Donut shop cool with you? Cuz it'll have to be. Only place open at six fucking thirty in the fucking morning," Dean grunted as they drove out of the motel parking lot and down the main street of the small town.

"Yeah that's fine. Anything's fine, really," Sam said, not really listening as he stared intently at his AP French study book. Without looking up he added, "Oh hey, so my test is gonna be over by noon and the school let's you sign out after big tests like this cuz you know, they're tiring and I was wondering if you'd come and pick me up?"

"You know you got it, kid," Dean said, reaching over and mussing Sam's shaggy hair. Sam glared at Dean, and then returned to his studying. Moment's later, they pulled into the parking lot of the donut store and Dean parked in a spot right near the door. "Eat inside or in the car?"

"Inside." Sam responded, throwing his book into the backseat and getting out of the car. He walked around to the front of the car where Dean met him after getting out of the car himself. Their shoulders bumped together as they walked to the door. Dean reached for Sam's hand and laced their fingers together, seeing they were already so close together that it shouldn't matter. Sam looked up at him, surprised. "Dean, we can't, in public-"

"No one knows us here. No one knows us anywhere except maybe Souix Falls, and we're no where near there, are we?" Dean reasoned, though it was possible that someone Sam knew from school could be out and about, or worse, their dad could drive by. "I mean, you even said you don't have friends at school. What does it matter if your not-friends see you holding hands with a guy. They don't know we're.. You know."

"Yeah you're right, I guess," Sam said, a smile touching his lips. His grip on Dean's hand tightened and he leaned more into Dean's side. "Dean?"

Dean sighed. _Here we go again_, he thought. "Yeah, Sammy?"

"What do we do about Dad?"

"For right now, what he doesn't know can't hurt him."

"Yeah but for how long, Dean? Are we going to keep this a secret for as long as it goes on?" Sam asked.

Dean stopped walking and thought for a moment. Although the whole idea of being romantically involved with his brother had not occurred to him fully until that morning, he had already gotten used to the idea that it was a permanent arrangement. He was an adult and Sam would be out of school soon. Once Sam finished, they could move out. Settle down on their own, maybe. If they could manage that, they would only have to hide their relationship for the next two years, and only when Dad was home. "If we want it badly enough, Sam, we can figure this out. We will be fine." He almost added love conquers all, but he didn't want to break his own "no chick flick moments" rule.

Sam nodded. "Okay," he said, and began leading Dean to the door of the donut shop. "Come on I'm hungry and I need to be at school soon." Dean followed him happily into the store where they ate half a dozen donuts between the two of them. Twenty minutes later, Dean had dropped Sam off at school to study before the actual test began and returned to the motel.

Upon returning to the motel room, Dean had sat down on the couch, looking at the TV but not turning it on. He sat there, deep in thought, for the better part of an hour. He didn't really understand where this whole thing started and why he was okay with it. He didn't know why it made so much goddamn sense. He thought back to that morning and got butterflies in his stomach, like he was in eighth grade again and had just asked out a girl for the first time. The way he felt about Sam was stupid and wrong but good. It was good because he finally felt like he could really show Sam how much he loved him. He never felt he could before, and maybe that was because, subconsciously, he knew the way he loved him wasn't the right way. Now, despite the fact that what they felt was illegal, not to mention unnatural, he didn't see a damn thing wrong with it. The only thing that made him nervous was he had never been with a guy before, like ever, and he was pretty sure Sam had never been with anyone ever. So if this did escalate as far as… well as far as sex, both of them would be clueless.

Dean blushed, realizing he was more worried about the fact that he may have trouble figuring out gay sex than he was about the fact that he actually just considered fucking his brother. Did he really want that? He thought about it and concluded that he would not object to it, if Sam was game. God, he must be some kind of pervert. Why did he have to fall in love with his stupid jailbait little brother and more importantly why did the kid have to fall in love back.

Dean yawned. He was tired from his long night and emotionally exhausting morning. He looked at the clock. It was barely eight. He walked over to it, set an alarm for a quarter to noon, kicked off his boots, and climbed into bed. He was asleep in minutes.

Dean rolled up in the Impala at noon on the dot, but didn't see any sign of Sam, so he parked and got out. He sat down on a planter in front of the library, where he had dropped Sam off earlier that morning. Sam did not exit the building until fifteen after, when Dean saw him walking through the doors with another boy who was much shorter than Sam. Then again, everyone was shorter than Sam. Dean waved at his brother, who spotted him quikly and began to walk over, being trailed by the other young man, who seemed to be speaking to him a mile a minute.  
"Hey, Dean," Sam called as he approached. The boy following him stopped talking and gave Dean a quick once over. "This is Erik. He has a couple classes with me. We met at the break during the test. Erik, this is Dean, my b-" Sam paused, looking at Dean, puzzled. What has he supposed to say? He can't say brother, that would turn to shit fast.

Sam couldn't seem to find a solution, so Dean came up with one for him. "I'm Sam's boyfriend," Dean said casually, offering his hand for Erik to shake while looking at Sam's face, assessing his reaction. Fortunately, Sam broke out into the biggest smile Dean had seen on his face in a long time.

Erik however, looked a bit taken aback. "Oh. Hello. Sam, I didn't know.. You were. Well," he sputtered.

"That I'm gay?" Sam asked, calmly. "I hope that isn't an issue," he added, moving closer to Dean so their shoulders brushed.

"No! No no no no! Not at all," Erik answered, obviously embarrassed. "It's just… My friend, April, she asked me to you know, talk to you. See who you were interested in around here. She has a big crush on you. She's not the only one either. I swear to god, half the girls around here are pining after you. They'll be heart broken," he finished, laughing.

"Well, tell April I am sorry, but I'm involved," Sam said, taking Dean's hand in his and holding it up to show Erik.

"It was nice to meet you, Erik. Sammy, you ready to go home?" Dean asked, not wanting to sound rude, but he was eager to get home.

Erik didn't seem to take the hint. "Do you guys live together?" he asked, eyebrows lifted. "Not to pry or anything, sorry," he added.

Sam shrugged. "It's fine, man. And yes, we do. My dad, he isn't around a lot and Dean, well, he's twenty already and he has a place, so I stay there," Sam said coolly, glancing sideways at Dean, clearly also ready to leave.

"That must be cool. It's like that Beach Boys song, huh? The "Wouldn't it be nice if we were older and we didn't have to wait so long" one. You guys don't have to wait. Hey, I just remembered, there's gonna be party tomorrow night at April's place and she wanted me to ask you to come. I'm sure she still wants to meet you, taken or not. Dean, you can come, too," Erik said.

Dean gave Sam a look as if to say _this kid ever stop talking?_ and Sam nodded and said, "Sure, Erik, just give me the address tomorrow in French and we'll be there. We really have to get going, though. It was nice meeting you," Sam said, beginning to turn and lead Dean back to the parking lot.

"Yeah, ok, cool!" Erik called after them. "Bye Sam, bye ya, Dean."

"Jeeeezuz Ki-rist that kid had a mouth on him," Dean said after they were out of ear shot.

"Yeah, but he's the first kid to have talked to me here, so I mean, go easy on him. He can't be all that bad," Sam said, defending his new aquaintence.

"Yeah, whatever you say, heartbreaker. All those poor girls," Dean teased just as they reached the Impala. "Too bad for them."

Sam chuckled, leading Dean over to the passenger's door and leaning against it. "Yeah. Too bad for them, I'm yours," he breathed, pulling Dean's jacket collar to bring him closer. "They never even had a chance,' he said quietly before leaning in to kiss Dean.

Dean's heart began to pound, kissing his brother in public like this, pushed up against the Impala. It sent an all too familiar heat down to the pit of his belly. Dean moaned softly, which Sam took as an invitation to deepen the kiss. He flicked his tongue across Dean's lower lip, then nipped at it softly before pulling away. "Let's go home, Dean," he said in a raspy voice as he released his jacket collar.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Dean said, walking quickly around the car to his side and getting in. Sam scooted over on the bench seat, sitting closer to Dean than he normally did. He took the hand that Dean didn't have on the steering wheel and held it between both of his. He leaned over and rested his head on his brother's shoulder. "You a little cuddly today?" Dean asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Making up for lost time."

"Lost time? You're only sixteen, how much time have you lost? We have our whole lives," Dean responded, amused.

"I dunno. Shut up," Sam said, smiling up at his brother. "I spent a long time not liking myself because of the way I felt, Dean. I think.. I think being able to do this let's me know I'm okay. That I am not horrible. I can't be, if you want this, too."

"You could never be horrible, Sam," Dean said quietly as they pulled into the motel parking lot. "You're too…_ Sam_ to be horrible." They parked and sat there for a moment before Dean spoke up again. "How long, Sammy?"

"A couple years back, I must have been twelve because we were in Arizona then remember? You were dating some girl from the local high school. Jackie Parsons. She was blonde, curly hair, skinny, big boobs, real cheerleader type. You brought her home one night when Dad was out. You guys made out on the couch for a really long time, I don't even know if you guys knew I was there. You're invisible little brother, you know? Well, seeing you with her, it made me feel sick. But not like 'icky my icky older brother is macking on an icky girl' sick but like 'don't you fucking touch him, he's mine" sick. I realized I wanted to be in her place. I wanted to touch you like that. Kiss you. But of course, I couldn't say anything. So I held it in. Four years," Sam explained, gaze fixed on their intertwined hands.

"Why now?" Dean asked, feeling a pang in his heart considering the pain Sam must have felt seeing him with the girls he had been with over the last four years.

"Sometimes, you just break. I missed you, I hated not seeing you as much because I was so busy with school. Missing you made it worse and then being close to you like that. You were so close, I could kiss you. So I did," he looked up into Dean's eyes. "I'm glad I did."

"Yeah. Yeah, Sammy, me too."

"Inside now?"

"Yeah. I guess we should go in."

They both exited on their sides of the car and met at the front to clasp hands again, which seemed to be becoming the new routine. Dean unlocked the door and opened it for Sam, then followed him in. He closed and locked it again, turning around to find Sam right behind him. Sam placed his hands on Dean's chest and pushed him back until he hit the door. He kissed Dean again, more aggressively than he ever had before, and grinding his hips against Dean's. "Did I mention I have been waiting four fucking years for this?" Sam whispered harshly as he pulled away for a breath. Dean didn't have time to respond before Sam's mouth was back on him, kissing him desperately like only a teenage boy can. Dean broke away and began kissing down Sam's neck, stopping to mark his collar bone. Sam gasped and dug his nails into Dean's back. Dean smiled against Sam's skin.

"Want me to mark you up some more, Sammy? Let everyone know you're getting some? Let everyone know that you're mine?" Dean growled. Sam nodded, breathing heavily, moaning as Dean leaned down to nip at the place he had bruised moments ago. Sam's hands travelled down to Dean's ass and pulled Dean's hips forward, pressing them harder against his own. Dean could feel Sam's hard on through his jeans, knowing that Sam could undoubtedly feel his own.

"Dean, I want-" Sam began, breathlessly.

"What have you done before, Sammy?" Dean asked, wanting to know so he didn't throw too much at his brother at once. He wasn't sure he could restrain himself much longer.

'I haven't done much," Sam admitted, quietly. "Just kissed."

"Ah fuck, Sammy," Dean breathed. Sam was his. All his. No one else had left a mark on his yet. "Jesus, Sam."

'What?"

"Want you."

Sam smirked. "Then take me," he growled.

That sent Dean over the edge. He pushed Sam forward from the door and all the way back to the bed, practically throwing him down. Once Sam was on the bed, Dean tore at his own belt buckle, not wasting any time. "Come on," he ordered Sam, motioning towards his brother's pants. Sam, eager, began unbuttoning his own jeans. Once Dean was out of his jeans, he mounted the bed, mirroring the position he and Sam had found themselves in that morning. Dean ran a hand down Sam's stomach, letting his fingers come to rest at the elastic of Sam's boxers. He looked up at Sam, who nodded almost imperceptibly, watching him through lust-blown eyes. With that, Dean pushed past Sam's waistband and pulled out his brother's hard cock and arranged himself so he could jack both of their dicks at once. Sam's hips bucked forward, "Dean," he moaned, and came much faster than Dean did. Dean took Sam's hand and put it on his own dick, guiding it up and down until he came himself, breathing Sammy's name.

They lay there for a moment, breathing heavily. Sam leaned over and kissed Dean chastely. As they lay there, a pair of headlights shone brightly through the motel room's front window. Sam and Dean thought nothing of it until they heard a car door slamming just in front of the door. They looked at each other, horrified. Sam hurriedly pulled up his boxers. "Do you think it's Dad?" he asked, panicked.

Dean pulled up his boxers and picked up his pants off the floor, rushing to the other bed. "I don't kn- shit!" As if to answer their question, the door knob began rattling. Dean jumped on the second bed and Sam grabbed the TV remote of the dresser and switched it on just as John opened the door.

"Hey, boys," John said as he walked in, in a surprisingly pleasant mood.

"Hi, Dad," Sam and Dean answered hurriedly, in unison, both of them attempting to appear enthralled in the program on tv.

"What have you boys been up to?" he asked, making his way to the bathroom to clean up.

"Nothing," Dean answered, too quickly for John's taste.

John squinted at both of them. "You sure, Dean-o?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Yup. Just watching TV, Dad."

"You're brother behaving, Sam?"

"Yeah, Dad," Sam answered, rolling his eyes to let his father know just how ridiculously paranoid he was being.

"Alright. We'll be heading out of here soon. Bobby called. Got something in Carolina that might be our kind of thing. Too far away for me to go without you two," John said, to which Sam and Dean both groaned. "Oh, come on," John warned, closing the bathroom door.

Sam and Dean looked at each other wide eyed.

"**_Shit_**," Dean whispered.

"Uh, _yeah,_" Sam replied.


End file.
